So if there was an award for being terrible at updating a blog, I believe I'd have first place.
Really though, I am always busy. Whether it's translating my homework, doing my homework, doing my online classes, going to Italian lessons, or going to my dance class, I am always doing something. I just want to pause time. Finish these stupid online classes, so I can actually enjoy myself a little bit. It's become so stressful. But, there's not much I can honestly do about fixing that right now.

As for how things are going, they honestly have not been that great. My host family has been given the impression that I don't like them, because of how introverted and quiet I am around them. I really don't try to be, I have just been having an extremely hard time opening up to everyone here. I guess it's my fear of being denied or shunned or made fun of.
Speaking of this, today I had lunch with my AFS advisor in Messina, where we talked about how I was honestly feeling and what I was having problems adjusting to.
I am having a hard time adjusting to the lack of communication, as it frustrates me to always feel confused. I am also having difficulty understanding how friendships work here, because people have always asked me to go out and do things, and then we do, but only for an hour and then we return home.
But as for how I'm really, honestly feeling, I can't really simply describe it.
Part of be knows how lucky I am to be in such a beautiful diverse place, and the other part of me doesn't understand the culture. Part of me is content, part of me is sad. Part of me is happy for what I get to do and part of me is angry at myself for choosing to do such a crazy thing.
I honestly can't describe how I'm feeling simply.
I know I need to put more effort into this, to give it my all and hope for the best, but it's incredibly, incredibly scary.
I don't know if these people will think I'm annoying or dress really weird, or laugh at me when I do something socially wrong.
But isn't that the whole idea of exchange? To put yourself somewhere where you don't know a thing about society, and expect to fit in and make friends and be happy?
I can't tell you why I chose to become an exchange student, because I honestly don't really know why. Something in me just knew I needed to do it. And if it takes me till June to figure out why, my patience I will keep.